Black Wednesday

I was not looking forward today. I quite expected it to be challenging, but it was a good day none the less. The day before Thanksgiving was the last day I saw my mother. It was on this day last year that I knew I would have to visit her, but it wasn't a visit that I looked forward to with happy anticipation. She was residing in a nursing home (living would not be an accurate descriptive word here), and she had not acknowledged me or even really spoken to me for a long time. Alheimer's had kept her imprisoned (my mother's term) for much longer than any of us had hoped it would. Rather than waiting for my father to suggest we make the journey, I had decided to make the visit on my own terms. I could escape the suffocating environment when I wanted to if it was just Hubby and I. On previous visits, it took all the courage I could muster to simply walk in her room and see her in that state.

I knew it was something that was expected of me nonetheless, and so we went. It is impossible to know what is going on in the minds of people who are inflicted with this disease, so I also didn't want to miss the opportunity to try to make at least one more connection. She loved the color purple, so I had made her a Couple of pretty pillowcases with purple pansies and her name embroidered on them.

In an incredible gift of grace, God let me have my final visit with her not Just a simple moment of recognition, but in the ability for her to have a brief conversation of sorts. Her final words to me were, "I love You.". I am confident that it was a gift from God for both of us. It is a gift for which I will always cherish and forever be thankful for.

I have been struggling since the beginning of this month. The days have been marching forward with an unavoidable target for today. My husband. Son, and daughter-in-law tried to cushion the day, but there was no way around it. I was going to have to face it...and so I did. There have been the unavoidable tears, but there has also been the comfort of the love of my family and the peace that I know that she has been released from her prison. She has been healed and set free. How can I be sad?

Gratitude for
- a gracious God
- special last moments with Mom
- family who understand and hugs of love and comfort
- kleenex ....lots of kleenex!